A couple of weekends ago, we went to New Mexico for the wedding of my nephew and new niece! During the long drive home my sister-in-law, my niece and I got on the subject of Swingers in our local areas! Well, where I come from the swingers call what they do playing cards. So, on this long drive home we came up with the Top Ten List of Card saying they use to get the party started!
10. Does anyone want to play Spoons?
I have a headache tonight.
I just want to cuddle!
9. Hit me! Hit me! Hit me! Hit me, again! Again…Again…Again…
I don’t need to say anything more about that saying!
8. Ok! The little Blue pill is working now!
I’ll, stand!
7. Wait for it, Wait for it ….Push! YES! YES!
6. I am feeling lucky tonight!
I want to play seven card stud!
Sorry, ladies!
5. Ok, I am in… no wait I am out… no think I am in… no am out!
4. Oh, Crap! I knew it! I got stuck with the “Old Maid”!
Grab your walker, lets go!
3. Does anyone have a pair of sagging boobs?
Go, Fish!
Whew, that was a close one!
2. Does anyone have a pair of old nuts?
I have a pair of old nuts!
(Great I am stuck with the old nuts again) Why can I just play solitaire!
1. I think the new guy needs to go, ladies!
Last night he wanted to play “Bumhunter”
I told him, I fold!
Let me just say we had such a fun time doing this that we almost peed our pants! I hope you had a good laugh!
P.S. Don’t ask Billy and I to play cards with you! We only play War!
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Friday, July 9, 2010
The "66"... it only gets better!
I get a call from Billy who is at work in Arkansas he has bought another truck. He needs me to go and pay a guy. This time he is a local guy named John Deere*! Whew! I am glad we learned our lesson from buying trucks online! You just can't trust people in this day and age!
Billy said that he would meet me at the cemetery! Now I don't know about you but this is starting to sound funny!
What! You are sending me to meet a guy at the cemetery! Hello, what about the store down the street!
Ryan tells me to take my 9mm but I have yet to buy any bullets for it, so I have to go it alone.
On, my way to the cemetery, Billy calls me and tells me that John Deere* is coming to town and to meet him at the gas station.
I am waiting for him when he gets there. He looks very familiar but his name doesn’t ring a bell. I get out of the truck and he introduces himself as John Weere*, the name starts rings bells in my head.
I give him the money for the truck and he gives me the title but his name isn’t on the title. He explains that the truck belongs to his step son and that he gave it to him, he just never changed it over. I know the owner of the truck, so I don’t think much about it.
I get into the truck and call Billy and tell him that the guy that he sent me to buy the truck off of doesn’t own the truck that his step son does. That his name seemed familiar and that I misunderstood Billy when he called I thought he said his last name was Deere* not Weere*. I told him I would call and talk to a teacher I work with that she the cousin of the guy whose name is on the title and tell her that John Weere* is selling her cousin’s truck.
When I get her and tell her the story she flips that Billy sent me to meet this guy. He just got out of jail for first degree rape and forcible sodomy!
About that time Billy calls in and I tell her to hold on for a moment that Billy is calling. I take Billy’s call and he is having a stoke “He said do you know that that is John Weere* AKA J. D. New Holland* and he just got out of jail for rape!”
Really, Billy you don’t say and whose idea was it for me to meet this guy in a country cemetery, your idea or his idea?
Ok! So maybe we didn't learn anything because we have went from buying truck from the Internet to buying trucks from registered sex offenders!
I am seriously questioning how Billy really feels about me!
Next stop bullets for my 9mm!
* Names have been change to protect ME!
Billy said that he would meet me at the cemetery! Now I don't know about you but this is starting to sound funny!
What! You are sending me to meet a guy at the cemetery! Hello, what about the store down the street!
Ryan tells me to take my 9mm but I have yet to buy any bullets for it, so I have to go it alone.
On, my way to the cemetery, Billy calls me and tells me that John Deere* is coming to town and to meet him at the gas station.
I am waiting for him when he gets there. He looks very familiar but his name doesn’t ring a bell. I get out of the truck and he introduces himself as John Weere*, the name starts rings bells in my head.
I give him the money for the truck and he gives me the title but his name isn’t on the title. He explains that the truck belongs to his step son and that he gave it to him, he just never changed it over. I know the owner of the truck, so I don’t think much about it.
I get into the truck and call Billy and tell him that the guy that he sent me to buy the truck off of doesn’t own the truck that his step son does. That his name seemed familiar and that I misunderstood Billy when he called I thought he said his last name was Deere* not Weere*. I told him I would call and talk to a teacher I work with that she the cousin of the guy whose name is on the title and tell her that John Weere* is selling her cousin’s truck.
When I get her and tell her the story she flips that Billy sent me to meet this guy. He just got out of jail for first degree rape and forcible sodomy!
About that time Billy calls in and I tell her to hold on for a moment that Billy is calling. I take Billy’s call and he is having a stoke “He said do you know that that is John Weere* AKA J. D. New Holland* and he just got out of jail for rape!”
Really, Billy you don’t say and whose idea was it for me to meet this guy in a country cemetery, your idea or his idea?
Ok! So maybe we didn't learn anything because we have went from buying truck from the Internet to buying trucks from registered sex offenders!
I am seriously questioning how Billy really feels about me!
Next stop bullets for my 9mm!
* Names have been change to protect ME!
The "66"
Well, I few months ago Billy bought a 1966 Chevy Pick-up to restore. He found it online; a guy from Arkansas is selling it.
First off, has he heard of Craig’s List!!!!!
What the?
Well, he assured me that the guy was going to meet us at a local store with the truck.
We get there early and patiently wait for him. The guy pulls up in a car all smiles, no teeth… no truck. Where is the truck?
Of course, we have to go to his house to get it.
As we drove I tell you I could hear the “Dueling Banjos.”
We finally arrive back in the sticks at an 8 x8 mobile home from which at least 6 guys come out of, each one with a beer in his hand.
Cars litter the yard, litter litters the yard, and looks like human remains could litter the yard?
I look at Billy and said, “Hey, if it starts looking bad for you… I will hit the On Star Button.” As soon as he gets out I hit the door lock button! Survival starts with you!
Before we can load the truck, the guy has to take the tag off because it belongs to his girlfriend’s car.
They get the truck loaded and Billy gets into the truck. He lives to tell the tale.
But instead of heading home, we start following another guy in his truck deeper into the sticks.
I ask him where we are going. He says that this guy wants to show him a truck at his place!
Are you serious!
First off, has he heard of Craig’s List!!!!!
What the?
Well, he assured me that the guy was going to meet us at a local store with the truck.
We get there early and patiently wait for him. The guy pulls up in a car all smiles, no teeth… no truck. Where is the truck?
Of course, we have to go to his house to get it.
As we drove I tell you I could hear the “Dueling Banjos.”
We finally arrive back in the sticks at an 8 x8 mobile home from which at least 6 guys come out of, each one with a beer in his hand.
Cars litter the yard, litter litters the yard, and looks like human remains could litter the yard?
I look at Billy and said, “Hey, if it starts looking bad for you… I will hit the On Star Button.” As soon as he gets out I hit the door lock button! Survival starts with you!
Before we can load the truck, the guy has to take the tag off because it belongs to his girlfriend’s car.
They get the truck loaded and Billy gets into the truck. He lives to tell the tale.
But instead of heading home, we start following another guy in his truck deeper into the sticks.
I ask him where we are going. He says that this guy wants to show him a truck at his place!
Are you serious!
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