Breakfast with Otis!

Every Saturday in our family we have Sausage,Chocolate Gravy and Biscuits for breakfast. Several months ago Otis lucked out and caught a break and finally got the opportunity to have Chocolate Gravy and Biscuits.

Ryan had decided to eat in the living room and left his plate on the end table when he was finished and left the room. This proved to be to much of a temptation for Otis to pass up.

Unfortunately for Otis, David walks in the front door and to David's surprise he sees Otis sitting in his recliner eating what is left of Ryan's breakfast.

Even in the bathroom with the water running in the bathtub, I can hear David yell at Otis. "Otis, what do you think you are doing?" Now I know that Otis must have done something pretty bad because Otis is David's best friend.

I hear Otis jump to the floor and then I can hear paws clawing and scratching as he tries to get his footing on the wood flooring. All he needs to do is put some distance between him and the scene of the crime.

I hear him as he skids down the hallway and right into the wall as he tries to make the corner. Right behind him I can hear David yelling at Otis and the thump of David's boot moving down the hallway right behind Otis. I immediately know that he is looking for me, so I can save him from David. I now hear him run into the bedroom, jump on the bed and off. Into the bathroom he comes sliding on the ceramic tile and hits the bathroom cabinet with a thud, shakes his head and looks around for me.

I know he thinks to himself "she just has to be in the bathtub" and knows that now he is trapped because David has made it into the bedroom. He has to make a split second decision about what his next options could be. Option One: Go back into the bedroom and try and out run David. Option Two: Yikes! Jump into the tub with Misty.

The choice is... Option Two: jump into the bathtub, run across Misty and lay down on the other side of the tub and hide. This is the dog I have to chase around the house when it is time for a bath. But now he is safe because he has his paws over his eyes and David will never see him.

From the bedroom David says, "Where is Otis?"

I reply, "In the tub with me."

Needless to say, Otis didn't get into trouble that day! He learned to eat faster and I learned to shut the door!

OMG! I am the fat girl!

After my romp in the woods this weekend I decided to take Mrs. Gragg up on her offer to hit the gym with her after school three days a week. Now first off Mrs. Gragg does not need to hit the gym. One of my thighs weighs more than she does.

As I walk into the gym I make sure that there is a fire extinguisher and a defibrillator in easy reach. The last time I exercised I thought for sure that my thighs might catch on fire from the friction of them rubbing together. Ryan almost had to call 911 for me after my trip into the woods. I needed to make sure Mrs. Gragg had the equipment she needed to help me if a major catastrophe happened while I was exercising.

So I bravely have Mrs. Gragg start me on this torture machine. As I am trying to kill myself on this machine I look around and things start to fall into place.

You know how in high school there was always the ugly friend in the group that makes the rest of the group look better. OMG! I am the fat girl! I am the fat girl Mrs. Gragg invited to the gym to make her look good. Now I need a fire extinguisher, defibrillator and Prozac to exercise!

Thanks, Mrs. Gragg you know my self-esteem was already low from the Wii Fit!

Otis is trying to kill me!

We have a Jack Russell and Rat Terrier Mix that is about 3 years old. His name is Otis, Otis Spunkmeyer, O and O day lee us! He comes to anything and generally is a hoot to be around. However, I now know that he is trying to kill me. So I am watching him because his first attempt did not work.

This weekend we received a beautiful snowfall. I would say that we got a least 6 inches up on the mountain where I live. Well, it is really more of a hill. On Saturday, Ryan, Otis, Benji (my dad calls him a Beyond Shit Dog- he is a Bichon and Shih Tzu mix) and I decide to explore the snow covered mountain. Ryan and I put on our ski pants, jackets, boots, gloves and hats... out the door we go.

Now Otis goes through life at a high rate of speed, so we are following behind him as we start our journey. He is jumping around like a jack rabbit. We check out the pond to see if it is frozen, cross streams and walk all over our ten acres. After about 30 minutes I am out of breath and ready to head home. However there are only three of us and Benji is a now walking snowball so I have to carry him back to the house because he can no longer bend his legs.

The three of us make it back to the house and I start thawing out Benji the snowball. Benji is thawed and I go outside to see if Otis has made it back to the homestead and of course he has not. I start calling for him and calling for him and nothing. I get this feeling that he could be in trouble, I mean I had just thawed out Benji and Otis does not have much hair... it is all on the couch, carpet and my clothes... he could be frozen out there.

I put my gear back on and head out. Past the pond, over the streams and back up the mountain. Calling Otis... nothing. I am getting a little worried about Otis. I start looking a big blood spot where a coyote snatched him. I walk, walk, climb, climb and the snow is now seems about 12 inches deep. My legs are getting weak and I now am seeing spots before my eyes. A ringing starts in my ears. My stomach is touching my back...I am breathing that hard. Still calling Otis... nothing.

I am telling you now that Otis is as white as the snow on the ground with the spots in my eyes he could be standing right in front of me and I would not know it. Starting to get fearful that I might not make it home, I point myself that way and try to make it home before I have a massive heart attack. Still calling Otis... nothing not even a bark.

Finally, I make it to my house and I am sooooo glad to see it, I only have to make it up 4 stairs and I can collapse and Ryan can call 911 to help me. And as I take those last few steps, moving at a high rate of speed is Otis. That darn dog was probably behind me the whole time. Jumping up and down like a jack rabbit and camoflaging himself in the snow, laughing at me the whole time, everything is a joke to Otis. I tell you he is trying to kill me... I wonder who put the hit out on me... it was probably Tiny Tim from the Creek Nation Casino.

Just another Thursday Night

Thursday was my father's 63rd birthday, so we decided to take my mother and him out to eat. After enjoying a wonderful dinner, the crew decides that they want to go to the Creek Nation Casino there in Eufuala and try their luck. We have a eleven year old son, so I decide to sit in the car with him and finish his homework and watch a movie when we were done.



Homework is completed and Ryan is watching K9 the Widowmaker and I am busy on my Blackberry using Facebook, when I notice the security guard walking around our car. I really do not think much of it as I was inside and Ryan was not out in the car by his self.



This security guard walks around several more times and stops at the back of our car. I look back and to my surprise a tribal police car is directly behind me.



I get out of the car to speak with the security guard. The top of his head hits me just below my nose. So I am for sure not intimidated, I watch UFC. I also have some issues with my temper. This is our conversation, my thoughts are in parentheses:



ME: "Excuse me but can I help you?"

SG: "Are you old enough to drive?" (I was just 38 years old my last birthday)

ME: "Yes." (Seriously, do you need glasses?)

SG: "Well you need to move this car."

ME: "Why."

SG: " That young boy is not allowed to be in the parking lot of the casino, he is not 18 years old. What is he seven."

ME: "He is eleven years old."

SG: " Well he is sure is small" (Now I am pissed off, my child has GRD-growth hormone deficiency and this little man is calling him small, I bet this security guard was Ryan's height right now when he was 16 years old!)

ME: "We have to leave because Ryan is not 18 years old he is not in the casino we are in the clinic parking lot. So nobody is allowed in this parking lot unless they are 18 years old?"

SG: "Yes."

ME: "So the clinic does not see any patients under the age of 18? Not to mention the fact that almost every car that has pulled through the smoke shop has children in them.

SG: "Yes, they do, but it is not clinic hours."

ME: "Well, let me call my husband so he will know where we are."

SG: "Oh, your husband has been paged." (Oh, really. That should be pretty funny.)

During our conversation Ryan never misses a beat watching his movie! Thank you for headphones or he would of been very upset over the: he sure is small for his age comment. We kinda of have a complex about his height, if you can't tell!



Meanwhile in the casino, David hears the following announcement: "Will the owner of the beige Suburban please come to security." He cashes out his machine and walks to security. This is his conversation with the lady at the desk.

David: "I have a beige Suburban."

Lady: "Sir, did you leave your children in the car unattended? We frown on that."

David: "I left my wife and son in the car."

Lady: "Well, you have to leave the premises immediately we can not have anyone under the age of 18 in the parking lot."

David: "Oh, you don't have to worry we won't be back. I have to get my in-laws." (Now for those of you who don't know us, my husband's donations to the Choctaw Nation helped build the new casino in McAlester. Stupid on their part he would have left at least donated 500.00 to the Creeks that night!)



David finds my parents tells them that they have to leave and comes out to the car, where Ryan and I are being watched like criminals by Tiny Tim.



He gets to the car and we are inside discussing what had happened to both of us. I got a great laugh out of the fact that they thought I was a child. I told David I would not be surprised if they called DHS and he got us taken away from him.



It takes my parents about 10 minutes to cash out and get outside... all the while the security guard is watching us. To make sure we leave the premises.



As soon as, my father gets in the he tells me that when I seen the security guard walking our way that Ryan and I should of laid down in the floor board, by gosh he was winning!!!



As I retell my night at the casino to my principal, just in case DHS does show up. She tells me that the same thing happened to her. She was sitting in the parking lot reading a book, while her husband was inside and she was told that she had to leave.

So next weekend, we are going to go and give them heck. I can sit 8 in my car and we are going to sit in the parking lot and watch movies until they run us off!!!