Bra Shopping What Fun!

Now I know that some people pay good money for boobs. However, the Good Lord blessed me with a set that most women mortgage their houses for. I can not figure out why they do it! You have to pay $80.00 for a good bra when you have large breasts or you can pay $20.00 for a cute little bra from Wal-Mart, what are they thinking, you can buy 4 bras for the price of one. You can't run, jump or bounce for fear that you will hit yourself in the face and bloody your nose or black your eyes.

Well, recently I have been having bra problems. I am hanging out everywhere, top, bottom and sides. I am thinking that they are making bra's smaller,like they are my clothes. I use to where an large or extra large top but now my tops look more like a extra small or small. There is a conspiracy against me!

Now that I can no longer fit in the bras from Victoria's Secret, I go in search for a new place to buy my bras. So, the day after Thanksgiving while Black Friday shopping with my sister, sister-in-law and niece I venture into Dillard's to see what they have.

A kind sales lady comes to my rescue. Here is our conversation:

Sales Lady: Can I help you?

Me: Yes, I need to get a new bra.

Sales Lady: What size to you normally wear?

Me: I have been wearing a 36DD, but recently I am busting out everywhere.

Sales Lady: Let me get you a 36DDD and I will meet you in the dressing room.

Me: Ok. In the dressing room I try on the 36DDD, but she doesn't like it because I am still busting out everywhere.

Sales Lady: Let me go get some other sizes. I try one after another, after another and nothing is making her to happy. Finally we find one that fits. Yes!

Sales Lady: OK. That one is the 36H

Me: What! Seriously, how do you go from a DD to an H, I mean how many letters are in between DD and H when you are tripling everyone? I am now singing the alphabet song and trying to multiply the letters by three, my mind can't even compute this information. I know my eyes were bugging out of my head. I find myself wanting to ask her "is that H as in HAMMOCK! Can I use this thing in the summer, throw one strap around branch and then throw the other one on a branch in the next tree. I guess I can lay in one cup, David in the other and we could put Ryan in the middle where the two underwires meet."
Sales Lady: Well, do you like it?

Me: Yes, I will take it. I mean what's not to like I can use it for a bra, hammock, parachute, floatation device and all for just $85.00 what a deal!